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Bairdy81
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Name: Alan
Country: United Kingdom
Metro: Glasgow
Birthday: 11/19/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: I love playing sport, especially football (and that's REAL football for any American reading this!!). I also enjoy hanging out with my friends, going to the cinema and travelling. I'm very active in my church and trying to reach out to young people to tell the truth and about following Christ passionately. I love to live dangerously for Christ and take risks for Him.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
5/17/2005
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| HERMENEUTICS.......AAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!! | | |
| VITAL TIPS!! Thought you might like some vital tips as you journey in life.... - If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a Jug
of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is
almost instantly removed.
- Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle
the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment
from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and
check that it has gone.
- Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the
object you wish to view.
- Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but You'll
also be getting paid for it.
- Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by
filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then
urinating into it, before jumping in.
- Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
- Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a
bit slower.
- Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal.
Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat
substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the
difference.
- High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
- Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your
Cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your roof.
- Avoid bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with whom
you disagree.
At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer
Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.
- Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes'
eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast
wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. Brilliant!
- HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for
the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the
other in your coat pocket.
- OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross
out the names and address of people you don't know.
Let me know if you try any of these please and what the results were!!! | | |
| I Just Love Being Scottish!!! Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to
the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Scotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.
Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
the counters.
Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
rink.
NOT TO MENTION..
3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.
31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.
Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas
cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control
Scalextric cars.
and finally...
In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls
incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
SCOTLAND - Love it, or Leave it! | | |
| Some pics are posted at www.xanga.com/AlisonRoss | | |
| A couple of weeks ago at the small group I run one of the guys, who is not a follower of Christ, asked the question "How was Jesus dying on the cross a real sacrifice when He knew He would rise again in 3 days?"
His point was from a short film we had watched, which had the analogy of a father giving up his son for other people. However, he did not get his son back. So, this guy in the small group found it hard to accept that the father in the film had lost his son forever but God knew that He would get His Son back in 3 days!
I thought that this was a very interesting question to try and answer. Having asked other people close to me on how they would answer it, I think they found it quite difficult to make clear to a non-Christian.
Any thoughts? | | |
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